Shannon

I have been away from BS slim since September 7th. I didn’t want to leave but I knew I need to work on somethings by myself. I was working two jobs and dealing crazy emotions and a wicked spell of depression. I didn’t feel I could get on here and be supportive to anyone because I was in such a bad place with myself. I needed the time to get over my ex and get to a point where I could function without every minute of everyday thinking about how bad things were for me. I was in boiling pot of self pity and it was boiling over.

But I pulled myself out of the pity pot and I am back. I am happy to say that while I was gone I didn’t gain any weight back, in fact I lost a few more pounds. I could have done better but my head wasn’t in it nor was my heart. I know weigh 291. That puts me at 13 pounds lost and 11 pounds until I hit my mini goal.

I am starting at a good place now. I am ready to be happy, healthy and active. I am ready to give myself the gift of a healthy lifestyle.

I look forward to reconnecting with some old buddies and meeting some new ones as well. I hope you are all doing well.

I’m not happy that I am having to write this but I am having to step down from the Wildcats, for myself and for the team.

About a week ago I applied for a second job and 3 days ago I got the call that I was hired. I thought at first I would still be able to give time to the cats but when I stepped back I realized that I am fooling myself. As it is now I work over 40 hours a week at my day job and with this second one on top of that and still working out 4 days a week I am not going to be able to give this team the time it is due.

So many of the people on the cats give so much and work so hard to have such a wonderful team. Nancy puts in hours upon hours making forums and answering everyones questions and everyone else works hard on catching all the cats blogs and sending messages. I dont feel it would be right to be a half assed team member. There are many on this site who would love a chance with this team, people who have the time to get in the forums and read all the blogs. And to the lucky person who gets my spot know this….you are now on the best team BS has to offer. You are going to love the support and help you get on this team.

I also want to state that the only reason for this second job is that I have to get back on my feet. After my ex and I split I was left with debt that is not only mine to take care of. And I dont want to live at home for the rest of my life. I have to do this to get me to where I need to be.

I am NOT leaving BS. I will be on here as much as I can to blog and give my buddies support and I will continue to support the wildcats.  I will keep working on getting this extra weight off and I will reach my goals.

I hope you all understand that I have to whats best for me and what I feel is only fair to the team.

Nancy thank you for everything and I hope we can continue to stay buddie. Kerstin you are the best and I am so thankful for you. Dagny you are such an inspiration!! Tina you are probably the sweetest person on this site and I love that about you! Jessie we were just getting to know each other and I hope we can continue on that path!

GO GET EM’ WILDCATS!!!!!!

OK here goes……. the past two months have been jam packed with stress for me. Between work, my ex, and trying to get back out on my own it’s just too much. I can feel the stress starting to take it’s toll on myself. I feel sick today and I have been tired ALL day. My energy for anything is gone. My drive seems to be misplaced at the moment. If anyone finds it please let me know!

I feel like a total whiner today and when I feel like this I dont like to blog but I just need to get it out.

I know I want so much for myself but I seem to be doubting myself the past few days. Can I really lose 130 pounds? Can I really ever find a good man? Was it somehow my fault my ex went back to drinking? What do I really have to offfer anyone?

I know I want to weight off. I want to be happy. I want to walk into a room and not look around right away too see if I am the biggest person there. I want to feel like I have a ton to offer and like I dont have to settle for anything in my life. I want to be an inspiration to others like so many on here have been to me.  I want to love myself.

Again sorry for such a down blog, it’s just that today this is how I feel and bloggin it out helps.

I want to also say WAY TO GO WILDCATS!!! WE did so good this week. Thanks to Jennifer for being such a great buddy and thanks to Kerstin for making me feel like I am part of the team.

For the past year I have been a size 22 and yesterday I was able to put on an old pair of 2o’s and they fit!! And they were a little roomer then when I wore them last year. So today I tried on a size 18 at work and they fit! They were a little snug but they fit. I am so happy to start seeing somw changes in my body. Even tough so far I have only lost 10 pounds I can see my tummy is a little smaller and my legs are a little smaller!

Im so ready for this. I no longer want to wallow in self pity about being the size I am. I am the one who let myself get this far so I am the one who will have to make the weight come off. I am not mad at myself for the weight either. I have accepted that I am this size and realized this is not were I want to be. Me and only me can get this weight off.

I have been through a lot the past month and I have to say that I am proud of myself for staying on track with my weight loss for the most part. I am learning to love myself and that feels great. I find myself thinking more about what I put in my body. I ask myself  “Is the Big Mac worth it” and the answer is always NO!! I get nothing good from eating these foods. So why eat them?

I still havent figured out why I eat when I go on binges. But all I know is I have not binged lately or had the want to binge.

My ex noticed this morning that I am starting loss weight again. He made the comment “What are you trying to look even more sexy for your new boyfriend by losing weight” I simply smiled and said “No this is about me. Not about you or any other person on the face of the earth this is about me doing for me!!” He wasn’t real sure what to say back but I got my point across. And there is no new boyfriend. But I would be a total liar if I said I wasnt happy that he noticed that I have lost some and it made me happy that he had a little jealousy in him at that moment. I feel like he is starting to see what he lost when we broke up but I don’t know if I could ever go back…….but that is not what today is about. Today is about my new size 20’s and my soon to be comfortable fitting 18’s!!!!!!!!!

I think I will jump for joy and run all the way to Kerstins when I make my way into those 16’s. I haven’t been able to were a 16 ever in my adulthood or heack eben highschool I was an 18/20!!!

Im just excited today! I hope you are all having a great weekend!!

I have not been on here as often this week because of work and being just plain tired. And my good buddy PMS had paid me a visit.

This week I have been eating MUCH better then last week. I have worked out 3 days and plan on walking everyday for the rest of the week. I think I might be catching something or its just the weather changing every other day.  But I still being sure to take the time to get even a little workout in when I can.

So last night I watched the biggest loser….. I always have mixed feelings about these shows. I think most of the people are great and I want to take them all home with me and help them and tell them how brave and great they are, HOWEVER….. I do not feel it gives the average person a real glance at weight loss. Im sorry but its not normal to drop 13 to 23 pounds in a week. I guess for a VERY SMALL few that may be the case but as most of us know, it doesn’t happen like that. I will continue to watch the show because I love to see people who are going through what I am and I love to see them reach their goals. And of course I have my favorite.

I want to say a quick Hello to my wildcat partner this week Jennifer. She lost 3 pounds last week!!! I think she is wonderful. The whole team is great. I just wish I had more time to get to know everyone right now. But I know in time I will get to know them all.

Work is going ok. Mark will not working in the store because the hours don’t work for him. I totally stood up for myself in our meeting, I said what I felt about Mark while he sat right next to me and it felt great. I never stand up for me. I am always standing up for others but when it comes to me I have found I don’t because it is easier. But not anymore. I will stand up for myself at work and in the rest of my life and let the chips fall where they may.

I am looking forward to next week when my hours will be normal. I miss my buddies and reading all the blogs. OH and I got on the scale today just to peek and it said I was down a pound and I am thinking it is really more because I am way bloated due to my time of the month. So I am excited to see what it says in the morning. As long as I dont gain I will be OK. But I want to see at least a pound down.

Since I am now a wildcat I am going to start posting my goals for the week on Friday night because that’s the day we weigh in. I will try to post in the forum if I can figure it out. I hope you guys are all doing well.

OK so this is going to be a very long blog and not much to do with diets. As some of you know I am a Assistant Manager at a thrift store. My boss Betty the store manager is going to be out for 6 weeks to have some medical things taken care of. We had a schedule worked out and the relief supervisor was going to fill in in my place and I was going to take the spot as Manager for 6 weeks. Mind you all this is supposed to go down in 2 weeks. Today Rob, who is our “big” boss in Denver called to let Betty know he was not comfortable with the relief supervior taking my spt because she has only been with the company a year.

He then states that Mark, who is a freaking truck driver for our store, will be taking a manager spot. Well let me say my peace about our truck drivers. They are always rude, never productive, always have bad attitudes and have not respect for anyone. Mark used to be a manager some 9 years ago then left my company and came back last year as a truck driver.

Rob tells Betty he feels Mark should work in the store while she is out because he has a great potential and could be used in the future. UMMM is he talking about the same Rude, Nasty Immature Mark that I know???? Then he goes on to say how Mark tells him about problems he sees in the store. MARK HAS NEVER BEEN IN THE STORE FOR MORE THAN 3MINUTES. He and the other drivers unload out back in the bay and never come in the store.

So I am freaking out. I don’t have the best feelings about this. Is he going to train Mark to take Bettys job???? What does that mean for me??? Or is it me he feels needs to be replaced???

Rob our boss is in Denver and I have only met him once in person and talked to him 2 times on the phone. So I dont know the man at all.  Betty did tell me that he told her that he didnt want either of us to feel as though we were  going to be replaced. Can I trust that??? And even if he isnt going to do that how in the heck am I going to be able to work with and depend on and trust a guy who acts the way this Mark does? And the fact that Mark makes it seem as though we dont know how to do our jobs!!!

I dont know if I am just freaking out for no reason or what. I know I worry a lot and 9 times out of 10 there is nothing to really worry about. But this would be the last thing I need I am already dealing with so much.

My ex who I work with, he was a real ass today about this. He doesnt care……so why do I still care so much about him? How many times am I going to allow myself to be slapped in the face?

If you made it through this thank you. If not I understand. If my buddys could send me some positive vibes and some prayers I would be very thankful. We are having a conference call tomorrow with myself, betty, rob and idiot mark, so Rob can tell us his expectations. OH joy!

I am SO SO excited about being a part of the wildcats! I started on here and quickly became good buddies with Kerstin and Tina who told me all about the great support you get with there team and FINALLY I made it. I was a little unsure the first time I heard about all the teams on here, I didn’t want to feel as though I was letting anyone down if I wasn’t 100% doing what I know I should be doing. But after I thought about it doing this with a team that will support you and give you a good kick in the butt when you need it will help keep me motivated and on track! So too ALL you wildcats I look forward to getting to know all of you and giving as much support as I can. I want to send a special Thank you to Nancy. I have heard great things about you and cant wait to get to know you better.

Now back to diets and workouts….. Today I did not go to the gym but I kept my eating on track. When I came home I went for a great walk that really got my heart rate up but was relaxing at the same time. I have been trying to eat high protien and low carb but this just isnt working for me. Yes I see the results when I stick to it but it’s bot something I will be able to do long term. I am up for hearing any sugestions from anyone. Just no crazy fad diets!

Im finally back to normal work hours so I WILL be getting back to going to the gym atleast 3 days a week. But I also want to keep up the walking on days in between working out at the gym.

Well I could go on and on for hours tonight but I wanted to keep it as short as I could. I will be bloging more tomorrow about my goals and plans. Now that I am on a team it looks like a good time to reorganize and get my goals back on track.

OK I’m not upset about losing a pound I am SHOCKED that I am down a pound considering I have been a bad girl for almost two weeks. But I sucked it up and got on the scale this morning and I was expecting to see a gain of maybe 2 or 3 pounds and instead I was 294! So today was a bonus for me. I am totally back on the wagon and I am not starting with having gained back any weight back.

Anyway yesterday I took an hour long bath and had some great Shannon time. I relaxed and covered my body in my favorite lotion. I even painted my toe nails which I haven’t done in almost a year and it felt great and made me feel good about myself. I went for an hour long walk around my parents property and then sat outside and read some. It was a great day.

Today I’m taking my grandma shopping for my mom’s birthday and while we are out I need to stock up on some healthy snacks. Since I am staying with my parents for a few months and they dont exactly eat what I NEED to eat it’s time to stock up.

I hope everyone is having a great day!

Well as a few of my buddies know I have fallen off the wagon these past two weeks. With working 14 days straight and a couple of double shifts it has been so easy to eat poorly and not go to the gym. I hate the idea of getting on the scale because I have a feeling I gained a few pounds back. But tomorrow morning I will get on the darn thing and see where I am at so I know where I am starting at again.

I checked out a fellow BS buddy on utube. Jennifer has a great video blog and she did one awhile back about self love. And I know that is supper important but I never take time for myself anymore. I mean its always rush rush to get things done. I know I have to start setting time aside each week to do something for myself. I need to learn to love myself again. Love myself as I am and also making me the best me I can be.

I plan on trying to blog at least every other day to keep myself on track. Now I can’t promise that all my blogs will be about diets and workouts. I know for me that I eat for a ton of emotional reasons and I have to learn how to work through those to prevent the emotional eating and binges that I tend to go on. So I will be blogin about all the changes and challenges I face.

I have to do this and put all my crappy excuses anyway. I want to happy, healthy, pretty and be able to inspire others. I honestly know I can do this I just have to do it.

I want to send a special thank you to Kerstin for always being there for me and giving me such great support I never told you this but at one point I was going to quit BS but then we became buddies and you made a total difference in my attitude and I love you for that!!Thank you Robert for always making me smile when Im having a bad day and feeling like I cant do this. Thanks to Jennifer you ROCK! And Tina for being so helpful and sweet. You guys make me feel so comfortable here. Thanks!!

Ok here it goes. I have been working ALOT the past 2 weeks ans I still have a few more days and one more double shift then it’s over….for now anyway. However I have to be honest and say that I have not been eating right and I have not been to the gym either. I could sit here and complain about it but the fact is it was easy to grab all those quick lunches instead of making them the night before. Also I could have ate the healthier things instead of the really bad ones when I ate out. I have nobody to blame but myself and all I can do is climb back on the wagon and get back to doing what I need to do to reach my goals.

My lower  back has been a mess the last 3 days. I dont know what I did but I did something. I know I would feel better if I went to the gym and worked it out a little but I have been to tired and yes feeling a little lazy.

I do feel as if I let myself down a little this week and that bums me out but one thing I have learned about my past atempts at dieting is that when I mess up if I get too down on myself I give up and tell myself that I will always be fat and so there is no point.

HOWEVER that was the old me. The new me says “Yes shannon you messed up, so now you have to get back to putting the work in because you can do this and your worth it.” A little corny I know but it works for me. Plus now Im a single woman and when I get back to dating I want to be able to put the best me out there.

And speaking of dating. I am crushiug HARD. And the worst part is it’s this guy Larry that is friends with both me and my ex and I always really liked him but I was in a relationship so I never really thought about him in that way. Anyway he has been super sweet and understanding with both myself and my ex. It’s probably just a school girl kinda crush but even if it is, it’s nice to see that I am still able to think about men and get those warm fuzzy feelings. For awhile I really wasn’t sure I ever would want another man in the same room with me for longer then 5 minutes.

Saturday I plan on catching up on blogs and checking in with my buddies. Sorry again that I havent been around much this week. I hope you all are well.